HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF OF LOOSING SOMEONE DEAR TO YOU

We all have lost a loved one, one way or the other. It can be a family member or your friend or even your partner. The loss may be through death, separation even your loved one moving away from you. Such loss can be traumatising such that some people can have a nervous breakdown. Today i want to share  with you my own experience of grief. Must say it is not easy to get over the loss of your loved one. In my case i lost a father when i was about 14 years by then i was only a teenager and you know how much it is difficult to understand what is going on at first i though nothing will change considering that i had a mother who loved me dearly.  What i didn't realise was  that the pain of loosing my dad was still buried inside me and i never took time to heal from the lose  now i see it in my failure to commit fully to my partner i always have the feeling that if i commit then i will be a target of heart break. Only now is it clear to me that i didn't deal with my fathers loss and now its time to let go. While i deal with my loss i would like to share the some tips on how am managing to deal with my loss

1. The first step to healing is accepting that it has happened and there is nothing you can do about it. Most of the times we turn refuse to accept that the loss has taken place an example is that of a lady whose husband died before the husband death every morning  she would lay her husband cloths on the bed while he was in the shower so that when he is done showering he would find the clothes on the bed already arranged for him. After the death of the husband she continued the process. It is good to keep the memories but it doesn't mean you should build a shrine around your loss accpt that it has happened and move on
2. Second step is to find something else to do which will live your mind occupied instead of thinking of what you have lost. For example you can start on a new hobby maybe you can join dancs lessons or whatever you are interested in.

   
   
   

   

    At the end of the grief is natural give your self time to grief then allow your yelf to heal well. Never feel guity about it for you have all the right to be sad

JUST GO WITH IT

Sometimes we find our selves in situations that you dont know what to do. I have been in such situations my self, situations which lives my wondring if its the end of everything, What i have leant from it is that you just go wih the flow. The other day i was watching a movie and someone said something that has changed the way i see things in my world. The particular individual was advising a friend who thought she had lost everything she said " my dear yes you are troubled but then whats the use of worriying if you can not do anything about it it might seem like a small thing but these words changed my. Am one of those people that worry and stress alot but after the movies i realised that my stress and worry doesnt solve anything. that lady in the movie was actually right if you cant change the way things are going dont worry about them rather think of hat you will do to prevent such situation from happening again. we all human one way or the other we will error but what differentiate us is how we deal with our flows. I hope i was of help.. remember its all about being optimist and believing that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. And also understanding that no matter how dark iit seems there will always be a away out hence it is your duty either to follow that light or ignore it.

TIME FLIES....

Talking about life passing us by without noticing. Just recently i was an eager high school leaver excited about going to college it seems like yesterday. Today am talking about finishing my third year at university truly time flies if you do not have a clear picture of what your life is going then you will be surprised to be at the age of 40 with no plan or any achievement. we should plan our lives and know where we are going. The saying goes like an early bird gathers the the fattest worm. Therefore it is in our hands to make sure that we shape our destinies while there is still time. May you might be asking questions like how do you plan your life? here are some tips that can help you plan your future and also help you spend your tim

Steps1

1.    Go to a quiet place , where you can think without being interrupted.

2.    Go through your life thoroughly. What is your gift? What do you want to be in the future? What is your passion? (i.e., something you would love to do even if you were not paid to do it.)

3.    Write it down. Most of the people who have achieved their dreams took the first step towards achieving them: they wrote them down.

4.    Plan a route to get there. Write down whatever it will take you to reach your dream.

5.    Put your piece of paper where you can see it and remind yourself of your goals.

6.    Work your plan. Put it into action by following the route to your dream. It may mean adjusting a lot of things in your life, but it will be worth it one day.

7.    Start a savings account and deposit 25% of your monthly income. Then when you need to buy a car, etc., you'll already have a lot of what you'll need.

8.    Dismiss negativity and begin to speak your future in the present. This will assimilate into your mind and help you to persevere towards your dream.

Tips

• Talk to your parents, guidance counselors, etc., about what they think you would be good at and how to get there. You may not want to, but remember, they went through this too.
• The difference between a big shot and a little shot is that a big shot is just a little shot who kept on shooting!

Warnings

• Don't do drugs.
• Never give up on your dreams.
• Believe in yourself.
• Know the kind of friends you keep and move around with. Be your own person, not a follower!
• Ignore criticism, stay focused.
• Think before you make a move.
• Stand up again , If you fall ever .

e wisely.

SOMETIMES WE DONT GET SECOND CHANCES IN LIKE

“I tell of hearts and souls and dances...
Butterflies and second chances;
Desperate ones and dreamers bound,Seeking life from barren ground,Who suffer on in earthly fate The bitter pain of agony hate,Might but they stop and here forgive Would break the bonds to breathe and live
And find that God in goodness brings A chance for change, the hope of wings To rest in Him, and self to die And so become a butterfly.” 
― Karen Kingsbury

I took my time of today just to think about my past the mistakes that i have made and how they reflect my future. They say the past is what defines the future. While conteplating on my past i have come to realise that indeed sometimes we never given second chances and we end up living with the mistakes that we made. I dont always make the right decisions but what i have leant is that i tend to make decisions without thinking about the concequences of my decisions. then i regret it later that had i thought the situation through probably the result could have been different.

What am trying to say is that not all of us are lucky to relive our situation. Therefore, there is a need for us to think before we act rationalise the the situation and come up with a solution that you are happy with such that if in the future you are questioned about it then you should be able to answer for it. Probably you asking yourself why am i writing about this the answer is simple i have made mistakes that i wish i ccould turn back the hands of time and redo what i did but ofcoz there is no second chance. i just hope that you all wont be like me 

THINK BEFORE YOU ACT. I know its not easy but if we adopt such thinking then we dont have to worry about making mistakes that we regret in the future

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR MALAIKA

Birthdays are always special days to some people. To those who see them as special days they celebrate by having parties or go out to the mall. In general people celebrate their birthdays in different  ways. Today happens to be my cousin birthday, Malaika Phekani she is turning 11 years today. I must say time flies i cant believe that the little girl i knew is now turning into a woman am really proud to be her cousin. I  know for sure that God has been faithful enough to keep her safe up to today. All we have to do is thank the almighty for keeping her safe. am sure she is going to have friends over at the house to celebrate her day. Personally i don't always celebrate my birthday though some times i  a little something to acknowledge the day i was born.  Its not that i hate birthdays no i just don't mind not celebrating mine i am glad that she is showing interest in her own birthday and defiantly i will celebrate with her. 

DAY OUT

Sometimes we all in to take time off our busy lives and enjoy nature, breathing fresh air and forgetting our daily schedules as one writer said "  I am never alone wherever I am. The air itself supplies me with a century of love. When I breathe in, I am breathing in the laughter, tears, victories, passions, thoughts, memories, existence, joys, moments, and the hues of the sunlight on many tones of skin; I am breathing in the same air that was exhaled by many before me. The air that bore them life. And so how can I ever say that I am alone?” ― C. JoyBell C. We all need such kind of life changing moments were you take a day out alone just to think though about your life. Well today was was of those days i just had to go out to the park and had a me time. Honestly i didn't realize how much i need such a day out. most amazing thing happened day i made new friend had interactions with different people it was such a refreshing day. Not only was i able to think through what was troubling me i also managed to have solutions to life threatening issue. You see when you are on a fast lain in life you find that you make hasty decision that may come back to haunt you. the best way is to take a day off be with friends or family just drink in the fresh air forget about everything and just enjoy the day  as if it was your last day. you will find out that after the day your mind becomes fresh and you able to think through about your situation. 

TREASURE WHAT YOU HAVE WHILE YOU STILL CAN

They say many are times we tend to take people for granted no matter what they do to please us we turn them away. to day i just want to remind us that life is too short not to appreciate people. Today you with them the next day they are gone. Therefore love those who love you, appreciate those that care and show interest in you. From my on experiences i have had my ex's wanting me back after along period of time what amazes me is that while we where dating all they did was to look down upon me thinking i was caring and loving them now they see am happy they want to come and destroy the relationship i already have.

 You know whats funny is that even after all the long period of separation  they still come back and expect you to have the same feeling for them how lame is that/.  All am saying is that don't take people for granted you never know what the future holds maybe the person you think is nothing is actually your destiny. Next thing you wake up in the morning and you realized that you made a mistake and you want to go back to them  unfortunately its too late for you the person has moved on. What do you next you label everyone wrong yet from the begging you the one who didn't realize the value of the person. when you love love with all your heart, care for that person as if it was your last day in so doing what ever happens you have no regrets in thinking had i done that things could have been different.

  

CLOSED DOORS MEANS THERE IS AN OPEN DOOR SOMEWHERE

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. That's the mistake that most of us make in our lives. Normally you find that when people find the sames in situations we turn to focus on the positives like things will never be the same or you say there is no way am going to make it the way things are bad. The truth is that the attitude we have toward the situations is what determines whether you destined to rise again or remain in the state you are in. 

there is always second chances God presents us with survival instincts meaning everyone has potential  to rise above any situation. Which means that it your duty to find ways to solve your predicaments and also understanding that its nit over until its over. if things are not working maybe in your work place or maybe its your studies its OK to try out different things and see what works better for you.

 

SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART

We all have been heart broken once in our lives whether by our parents, spouses or friends. in th end it hurts i just want to share a poem i once come across hope you like it.
Tears of blood fall from my broken heart
I never thought we would be apart

When you held me you said "forever"
Now that you're gone I know you meant "never"

Saying you love me with that look in your eye
And that was a cold hearted lie

Your tender touch, a soft kiss
Two things about you I will miss

As I sit here thinking about you
My face is wet with tears past due

I should've cried a long time ago
But I loved you so

I know they say love is blind
But I had only you on my mind

A hurt so deep it cuts like a knife 
But wounds heal and I'll go on with my life

SISTERS ARE DOING IT

Expat Women: Success Stories: Interviews Nyaradzayi Gumbonzvanda General Secretary, World YWCA In November 2007, Nyaradzayi Gumbonzvanda was appointed the General Secretary of the World YWCA, after over ten years of experience with the United Nations (UN), where she served as Regional Director for the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM) in Eastern Africa, a Human Rights Officer with UNICEF, as well as a National Child Rights Advisor in Liberia and Zimbabwe respectively.

Nyaradzayi has consistently invested in women's rights and issues such as security, peace with justice, violence against women, sexual and reproductive health, and rights for victims of HIV and AIDS. She has contributed to specific peace negotiations in Somalia and Sudan, strengthened partnerships, established collaborations and increased capacities of women's networks and organisations. She has also been a consistent voice for policy reform, including the implementation of the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) and the UN Security Council Resolution 1325. This effort saw her actively involved in the development of the Protocol to the African Charter on Human and People's Rights in Africa on Women's Rights (2004 Maputo Protocol) and she subsequently received an appointment to the UN Civil Society Advisory Group on 1325.   Ms. Gumbonzvanda serves on the Advisory Board for the African Centre for Women and ICTs and she recently founded the Rozaria Memorial Trust (RMT) – a charity organization established in honor of her late mother who died a role model in her community in Murewa, Zimbabwe. The Trust endeavors to celebrate and honor all the unsung community heroines who continue to provide leadership and care within their families. She is also active within the women's rights movement and is a member of organizations such as WiLDAF, Zimbabwe Women Lawyers Association, the World Conference on Religion and Peace, the International Women Leaders on Global Security, the Women Faith and Development Alliance and of the Global Coalition on Women and AIDS. Impressively, she was awarded a life membership status by Maendeleo Ya Wanawake, a grassroots organization with over 4 million members, in recognition of her approach to the empowerment of women in communities. Nyaradzayi holds a Masters in Private Law with specialization on Constitutional Property Law from the University of South Africa. She also holds: a Postgraduate Diploma in Conflict Resolution from Uppsala University, Sweden; and a Bachelor of Law (Honors) degree from the University of Zimbabwe. Nyaradzayi has published widely and she is also a poet.     Expat Women's Interview with Nyaradzayi   Expat Women: Nyaradzayi, please share with us more about the World YWCA and what makes it different from a local YWCA.   Nyaradzayi:The World YWCA is a global movement of women, young women and girls, present in 125 countries through 22,000 communities. The movement reaches out to 25 million women and girls in the world. It is a collective voice for the member associations around critical issues of concern to women in the world today. The key feature of the World YWCA is our core focus on developing the leadership of women and young women worldwide towards collective action to achieve peace, justice, human dignity, health and care for the environment.   • We have the Power to Change Fund, a grant-making facility that enables us to provide the much-needed financial and technical support to our member associations for them to reach women within their communities.     • We also have the convening role. We create space and opportunity for our YWCA member associations and other partners to come together, share experiences and advocate with one voice. We do this through the International Women's Summits (IWS) that we convene every four years around a topical theme. In Melbourne, we focused on Indigenous Rights and brought to visibility the issues of indigenous women in the Pacific region, especially in Australia, Aotearoa, New Zealand and the nearby island nations. Today we celebrate the YWCA of Australia having their first indigenous woman as President of this great movement.     • In 2007, our IWS in Nairobi focused on women's leadership in response to HIV and AIDS. Over 2,000 people gathered in Nairobi and affirmed the leadership of women through the Nairobi Call to Action.     • We have just concluded the 2010 International AIDS Conference in Vienna, Austria, where the World YWCA was one of the convenors and a member of the conference coordinating committee. We brought together more than 22 women, especially young and positive women, from 10 member associations around the world to share their skills and advocate for their issues.     • Next year, we are hosting our next International Women's Summit, in Zurich, Switzerland. The IWS will celebrate the achievements, learning and progress of the movement. It will also examine persisting gaps and challenges to ensure the fulfillment of sexual and reproductive health and rights including HIV and AIDS, and the eradication of violence against women at the community, national and global levels.   Expat Women: Can you please share with us some examples of what local YWCAs are involved in?   Nyaradzayi: The best example that comes to mind is the innovative work of the YWCAs of Zambia. The YWCA of Zambia runs a programme on HIV and violence against women, and their inter-linkages. The prevention programs target mostly young women with sexual and reproductive health information and services. This is a project in partnership with the David and Lucile Packard Foundation. They have shelters and drop-in centers with integrated services for survivors of violence and women living with HIV in the country. Through this project, they have collaborative arrangements with the Ministry of Health and the Police Department. In each center, there is a health worker and a police officer stationed there, ready and available to provide medical and legal advice as well as the necessary referrals. The United Nations Trust Fund has recognised this very innovative programme and it will be providing a 3-year grant for the replication and deepening of the work.   Expat Women: Nyaradzayi, what would you consider the most important changes to women's rights issues that still need to be made on the global stage?   Nyaradzayi: We have good basket of normative policy and legal instruments for advancing the rights and empowerment of women. However, this is not sufficient. The next decade has to be about implementation, turning all these commitments to doable actions. In practical terms, it means that we need women to live a life free of poverty, violence and exclusion. More investment in women and girls should provide education and training opportunities, economic resourcing and decent work and contribution to decision-making through women's leadership. The change in patriarchal values, behavior and practices also remains a key to changing gender socializations and stereotyping. It is crucial to continue to invest in the leadership of women and girls. This enables them to have the decision-making capacity and possibilities within their families, communities and nations, and to shape and influence those decisions that affect their own lives. Again, it remains important for governments to have the appropriate legislation and policies that promote, protect and advance the rights of women and girls. Such legal commitments must be accompanied by adequate resource allocations to programs and initiatives that advance gender equality. For instance, market women are active economic participants. Their role must be supported and facilitated.   Expat Women: What top five tips or pieces of advice can you offer women wanting to follow in your footsteps and work globally in humanitarian organizations?   Nyaradzayi: There is never a clear path, but the following advice has guided me throughout my life:   1. Be clear and convinced about what you deeply value in life and that which shapes your being and your focus. For me, I knew early on that I would dedicate my life to advancing women's and children's rights. This was driven by my own personal life history, and again by the reality of the world around me. I know that this is a life vocation. Each person has to identify what it is that drives them in life.     2. Recognize that your professional life is like a journey. You learn, you research, you walk the narrow paths, you look for a bridge and/or you cruise on the highway. It is important to acknowledge that such a journey requires partners, guides, cheerleaders and friends. At times, you meet some hurdles, but you need to remain clear of your destination and continue the journey.     3. It is okay to work with passion and to be in touch with your emotions. Working in complex humanitarian situations and in conflict, the trauma can be hard and the reality of people in these situations can be stressful. An effective drive to continue to be in the "trenches" and be the voice of others in these situations requires an honest sense of facing reality and finding the initial steps.     4. Network, partner, collaborate and share. I find it highly rewarding and empowering to share power, share space, share leadership and always acknowledge that I am stronger with others. A collaborative approach to life affirms your own leadership while at the same time allowing recognition that you do not know everything, nor can you do everything alone, but that together we can move mountains.     5. Take time to reflect. Reflection is so important, as it offers a quiet moment of internalisation, drawing the deep lessons, listening to the invisible but important. Reflections can be done alone or with others for the shared experiences. This is always enriching and provides the safe space for giving or receiving feedback.   Expat Women: Nyaradzayi, we applaud your commitment to women, young women and children. We thank you for sharing with us about yourself and about the fabulous work being done around the world by the collective YWCA.

MY BROTHER MY FRIEND

FAITH THAT CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS

sometimes life does test you. you came across situations were by you think it is the end of the road. Honestly we all have passed through our own trials and tribulations but how to deal with them thats what differenciate boys to men. to day i just want to talk about my own story and how much faith can actually help us through the downs of life. when you have sufficiant faith then life becomes bearable. in my case i have been through alot in life all i know is thta if i diddnt have faith it could have been worse. what am tryn to say is thta without faith it is difficult to work through obstracles. Therefore it is in ourown interest to believe in somethin and also have something to fall back on.

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.” 

WHAT IT MEANS TO TRUELLY LOVE SOMEONE

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable

We all have our on stories to share when it comes to love. Personally i believe that love is a rare thing.some do find it while others only wish to experience it. As for be i know i have had a chance to exprience love. i am in love with someone whom am not sure feels the same. Sometimes i pretend that it doesn't matter whether he reciprocates or not, the truth is it matters. Hovever,  love is not about jugdment. Its about loving someone and feeling constant that you are able to love that particular person. Its not about whether they love you back or not rather its about knowing that you had a chance to love them. In my case i belive thtat one day he shall realize that he once had someone who truelly loved him for him not what he has. Sometimes i wish i could change things and start over. Because i love him i will let him make his decision and it is my duty to accept what ever he things is best for both of us.



THE PEOPLE WHO HVE MADE AN IMPACT IN MY LIFE

when i think of people who have made an impact in my life i think of my mother, my aunts in general my wholoe family and friends.... we say blood is thicker than water in this case i have to agree with who ever came up with such a concept. When i think family i think of my mum she is the most influencial person in my life. through her i have leant that life is what you make it and we are the masters of our on destiny. The future is in our hands and we decide what we wanna be and that nothing can beat a detrmined soul. My mum has done it all she has been able to show me that a woman can be strong. looking at what she has done. she is a single mother but she is able to provide for us i do thank God for her in my life. the poem below is dedicated to her.

What I Learned From My Mother

BY JULIA KASDORF

I learned from my mother how to love

the living, to have plenty of vases on hand

in case you have to rush to the hospital

with peonies cut from the lawn, black ants

still stuck to the buds. I learned to save jars

large enough to hold fruit salad for a whole

grieving household, to cube home-canned pears

and peaches, to slice through maroon grape skins

and flick out the sexual seeds with a knife point.

I learned to attend viewings even if I didn’t know

the deceased, to press the moist hands

of the living, to look in their eyes and offer

sympathy, as though I understood loss even then.

I learned that whatever we say means nothing,

what anyone will remember is that we came.

I learned to believe I had the power to ease

awful pains materially like an angel.

Like a doctor, I learned to create

from another’s suffering my own usefulness, and once

you know how to do this, you can never refuse.

To every house you enter, you must offer

healing: a chocolate cake you baked yourself,

the blessing of your voice, your chaste touch.

WOMENS MONTH LETS CELEBRATE

Once again its thta time of the year where the world celebrate our mothers. Aughast the womens month. To me this month is an opportunity to appreciate and give back to the women who have made it ppossible for me to be who i am today. I know that most of us we have our on women heros in our lives thoses women that we look up to, the women whose faith is unturned, the women who walks tall even if there world is upside down, those women whose weaknesses is our strenght lets celebrate those women today. Appreciate them and also acknowledge their influence and presence in our life. Am one of those few individuals who has had a chance to be raise by strong women. Today i stand to appreciate them for risking alot just to make sure that i realise ny dreams...... cheerz to such women

MOTHERS LOVE

I love my mother she is one of the strongest women i know. My mum is one person who has sacrifised alot for me to be where i am today. I will forver be gratiful to my mother for being a great mom she is. I know that there are moments where i think i hate the decisions she makes for me, one thing i know is that she has my best interest at heart. Mama i love you so much maybe i dont say i love you often, the truth is that i love and appreciate everything you have done for me. My prayer and promise is that one day you shall reap the fruits of your labour. I always thank the almighty for giving me a mother like you and i wouldnt have chosen a better mother. you truelly are ablessing to me and you are my rock my world without you i will be lost. Thank you for being who you are,the source of my inspiration. Thee song below is dedicated to her.


(Diana Ross) 

In a world of make believe
You can change all that you see
But in the world of reality
You've taught me all that I need

Time like a river flows
Twisting and turning all the way
Life is an endless road
You've been with me day by day

The only way I can thank you
Is to be the best that I can be
If we hold on together
Just you and me

A mother's love is forever
A mother's love is for free
It doesn't matter if you're good or bad
She's there for whatever you need

In the world of fantasy
Hold on to your dreams
Open up your heart and see
All the love you need is me

Time like a river flows
Twisting and turning all the way
Life is an endless road
You've been with me day by day

You are you and I am me
You've made me all that I am
Heart to heart and hand to hand
Always there to understand

A mother's love is forever
A mother's love is for free
It doesn't matter if you're good or bad
She's there for whatever you need

Doesn't matter if you're good or bad
There's nothing like a mother's love